I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
