I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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