let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
