I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
