I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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