I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
