I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
