im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
