I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I still have a little drunk in my system
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
