literally had 100 drinks last night.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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