tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
