so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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