Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
