my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
