I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
there is puke in my bra ... again
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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