I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
