There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
