Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
