Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Randomize
