i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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