I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
