Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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