Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
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do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
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