My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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