i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Sober January is a disaster.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
