Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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