Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Barsexuality is the new black.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
