Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
