Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize