i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
