Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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