Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Randomize
