Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
