Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
