I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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