"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
