I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
