I need help removing her.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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