while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
