So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
