brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
