I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
