you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
