There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
tequila makes me forget i have legs
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
you had me at cake vodka
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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