I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
