So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
