Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
