I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
she peed on how many people?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
foreskin is a definite game changer
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
