so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
