He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
