If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
