i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
