Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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