Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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