Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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