Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
