My sheets look like a crime scene.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
