i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
