I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Randomize
