i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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