I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
my liver is dry heaving
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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