Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
