ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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