I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
How external is "for external use only"?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
