Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
