So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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