I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
