you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
