So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Two words: blizzard sex
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
