Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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