Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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