I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Randomize
