apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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