I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
