He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
