everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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