we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If I die, sorry about rent.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
