it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
