how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
