Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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