i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
