This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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