Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
