im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
pray to the hookup gods
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.