remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify