Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
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My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
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We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.