i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
