my mouth tastes like poor choices
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro