So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
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