I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she peed on how many people?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
