I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
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i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
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Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card