i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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