I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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