you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
