I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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