every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
