i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
