Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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