Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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